I Never Wanted Kids, but My Husband Said it was a Dealbreaker

When I met my husband, we were both in our mid-twenties and I was adamant that I did not want children. He, on the other hand, wanted a big family someday. I figured we could work it out, but he was clear from the start: having children was a dealbreaker for him.

It was a tough decision, but I eventually realized that I wanted to build a life with him more than I wanted to hold onto my desire to be childfree. Today, we have two beautiful children and I can't imagine my life without them.

• According to a 2019 survey by the Pew Research Center, about 1 in 5 women in the US reach the end of their childbearing years without having any children.
• However, the percentage of women who are childfree by choice is on the rise. A 2018 survey by tracking website Gleam found that 20% of millennial women do not want children, compared to just 7% of baby boomer women.
• Financial considerations also play a role in the decision to have children. According to a 2020 report by the US Department of Agriculture, the average cost of raising a child to age 18 is $233,610.

One of my best friends from college has been married for several years and has never wanted children. She and her husband made the decision early on in their relationship to remain childfree, and it has been a source of happiness and fulfillment for them both.

On the other hand, my sister always thought she wanted kids until she met her now-husband, who was staunchly opposed to the idea. They eventually compromised by adopting a dog together and have never looked back.

Practical Tips

• Be honest with yourself and your partner about your desires and expectations for your future together.
• Consider the financial and lifestyle implications of having children and determine if it is the right decision for both of you.
• If you and your partner have differing opinions on having children, seek counseling or therapy to work through any underlying issues and to help facilitate compromise or resolution.

Conclusion

1. Choosing to have children is a deeply personal decision and should be based on individual desires and circumstances.
2. It is important to have open and honest communication with your partner about your expectations and to work together to come to a mutually beneficial decision.
3. If compromise or resolution is not possible, it may be necessary to reevaluate the compatibility of the relationship.